I admit it, what they say is true. When you're a kid and all you want to be is grown up and all you hear is "don't be in such a hurry to grow up, when you get there you will want to be exactly where you are now." It's true! Every part of it! I miss the days of no responsibilities and my biggest worry being what I am going to wear to school. Yes, even school I miss. These past few days nostalgia has been hitting me pretty hard.
Ever stopped to notice a smell, and it brought back a memory? Well a few days ago I ordered from soap.com (<-if you are not familiar with this website, you should be) what I thought was a new laundry detergent. When I opened it up to wash my first load, a flood of memories poured through my mind. When I lived in salt lake, it was kinda my "spreading my wings" moment. Breaking out of the mold of what I was expected to be (perfect) and moving to a place where I knew absolutely no one and becoming ME. Not Carl's daughter or any variation of names given to me by my family or "friends." <-you do learn who your true friends are when you move across the country...I found that out too! After a few weeks of being there I felt pretty stuck. I didn't want to go home, and I definitely wasn't homesick. I began to form relationships with my Mormon roommates...not being Mormon myself, I sometimes felt a source of corruption for them and in some sense I enjoyed that. I learned that I didn't have to change any part of myself to be a source of corruption in other "cultures." Who knew that drinking coffee, watching rated R movies, and having a coke here and there would make you the devil to some? My roommates taught me a lot and I'd like to think I taught them just as much. So we decided to stick together and find a new place! It was a bit of a spur of the moment decision and we found a place that seemed great. Er...not so much. After moving in it was one wretched disaster after another...and on the fourth day, with a literal flood and no flushing toilet...I broke down. I had never lived in those circumstances before...In my search for a ticket out...I found myself sitting in the basement of the shared duplex on top the washing machine. In that moment I wished for the days of no responsibilities and took in the scent of what seemed to be the ONLY decent thing about the place. I bowed my head and folded my hands. Opening the laundry detergent a few days ago brought back that moment, but the best thing is what followed. As I was walking out of the wretched duplex basement, I ran into a lady who could read on my face that I was distraught. She stopped to ask if I was okay and I simply replied "the toilets wont flush!" My eyes welling up with tears she took me by the hand and said talk to me. I don't know what prompted my speech but by the end of the conversation I learned that she was a property owner with Top Hat properties...she was in the area painting and getting ready to show a brand new rental property. 2 bedrooms, den, storage, back yard, laundry, a bathroom, dining room, kitchen, it was very private and probably one of the most amazing properties I had lived in. I ran home and told the girls, and in less then a week later we called that cute little rental property home. I loved ever bit of my remaining days in Salt Lake in that house.
My friend Roy made a post today about being bullied in high school and it took me back to a very distinct moment of being in the 6th grade. One day I got off of the bus at my parents house and a kid pelted a rock at my head, busting it open. Holding the back of my head I looked up at the back of the bus to three kids pointing and laughing...I ran home crying and thinking "what did I ever do." The next day when I got on the bus with all 5 stitches and a killer attitude I walked to the back of the bus and said "I'll pray for you" pointing at him and the other 3 with my middle finger. I ended up in in-school suspension. The kid that threw the rock continued to terrorize lower classman, and even worse...the other two kids who witnessed the story never spoke up. I will never forget "I didn't throw anything, the bus must have kicked it at her when you drove off." I wonder if that same defense works in front of a judge these days? I hear he's a career criminal...I still have that rock, and to this day my mom doesn't know that I got ISS or that I flicked anyone off...my dad and I thought that was best kept between the two of us. I keep that rock as birth control...and as a reminder that I am strong long after others think I am weak and broken. Take that Johnny!
side note: I love world of myrth for this very reason!
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